We live in paradoxical times and I’m not referring to our current political season. I’m thinking more of John Mayer. This gifted guitarist and singer has often connected with the mercurial essence of being a young adult. His song “Why, Georgia” contemplates the restlessness of it all living in one’s 20s, a sentiment relevant today, commonly referred to as a quarter-life crisis.
“Am I living it right?” Mayer asks. As the mother of two young adults who is also close to many of their friends, I have a front-row seat in the theater of youthful emotional exegesis. They feel pressure to figure it all out. Yet, isn’t this the time in their lives when they don’t have to?
I passed quarter-life a long time ago. I can’t even say I’m at the mid-life point anymore unless there’s been an uptick in women living to the age of 102. So, I’d like to think this affords me the vantage point of been-there, done-that. To the quarter-lifers, here’s what I know:
First, feeling insecure about your life and becoming an adult isn’t a crisis, it’s a gift. Without sounding all Oprah, we are fortunate at any age when we have the ability to fret about what’s next. But, it’s a balance, too. Worry can keep you from moving forward, not to mention enjoying the here and now.
Second, you will never have it all figured out. Ever. Give yourself permission to explore. I say this a lot to my quarter-life friends who are transitioning from college, overwhelmed by what to do, especially career-wise. Repeat after me: This is all good. You have choices. Pick one or two and don’t look back. Which leads me to this…
You will have a lot of firsts. And some lasts. Love. Jobs. Friendships. Apartments. Unused gym memberships. Learn from them. Go to the gym more often. And don’t stop loving because a relationship didn’t work out the way you’d hoped. My desk calendar has inspirational quotes; last month’s was “Here’s to a year of making all the right mistakes.”
Fourth, college can be contradictory. On the one hand, you have many academic options. On the other, you’ve got to pick an area of study and stick with it or suffer the wrath of an undeclared major. It’s all right. You may not end up in the right major. You can change it. And, if you can’t, that’s OK, too. Use your undergraduate experience in creative ways. Your major may not be your life’s vocation, but it can be an unexpected springboard to something else.
Fifth, please, please limit your exposure to social media. I’m serious. Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook and Twitter feed the fire of youthful insecurity. It also keeps you from living. Nothing replaces real-life relationships and real-time experiences. Bear with me as I know I sound old here, but you’ll look back and wish you had taken more lunches and trips and long walks with friends and family. And gym workouts.
And finally, slow down. I know you have an elevated sense of urgency and an enviable metabolism. Soak it all in. Try not to let some falsely imposed alarm clock limit a really special time in your life before mortgages and daycare enter into the picture.
This is the month of college acceptance letters. To the young adults who are getting the college welcome notices, congratulations. Here’s to making all the right mistakes. You will make some wrong ones, too. You’ll be just fine.
And aren’t you lucky.