In this dangerous, stressful world, cowering beneath a rock isn’t the solution, though I bet it’s cool and quiet there.
Caring for family members who suffer with chronic conditions, I’ve learned the value of managing stress. Most recently, I was with a doctor who offered sage advice not only for his patient, my daughter, but also for the rest of us.
“Block out the things you can’t control,” he said. “There are a lot of troubling events in the world right now, don’t carry it all.”
Wise words. Now if it were only that easy.
I say this as a veteran worrier who carries burdens like a champion weightlifter, often crashing beneath the pressure from an overpowering barbell of concern. Age, experience and necessity have lessened my load for the good, but that’s usually during the hours I’m sleeping. Separating the real stress factors from the imposed is a skill. You practically have to wear blinders to ignore the deluge of stomach-turning events in our country and world.
Try anyway.
I know people who are naturally wired for information. They are on top of the latest news article and social media feed to stay current and connected. I’m no better or worse, subscribing to a couple of newspapers each day and satellite radio news channels. But, out of sanity preservation, I have consciously decided to pick and choose what I absorb and what I don’t. Kind of like the serenity prayer though I’m still working on that wisdom-to-know-the-difference part. Let me get back to you on that one.
Cowering beneath a rock isn’t the solution, though I bet it’s cool and quiet there. All things in moderation, right?
That’s what my daughter’s doctor was suggesting: Take in only what you can manage and discard the rest.
I think of our community in this case. We cannot change what happened in Dallas, Baton Rouge or Nice. But we can be like a dozen restaurants and citizens who delivered food to local police stations. And others who are volunteering to serve on community advisory boards and neighborhood groups to influence the unbalanced scale of injustice among our fellow citizens. And those who petition our leaders to find solutions.
I’ve also discovered the beauty of seasons. Not fall, spring, winter or eternal Florida summer, but the emotional kind. Sometimes, there is a season to respond and become engaged. Other times, it is best to stay exactly where you are for the moment and just be.
A friend once told me that, when it comes to responding to stress, she started small. One bite of the pie at a time (using a food metaphor calms me already). What’s the one thing I can do at this moment? There’s usually something. Maybe it’s a call to someone who can help. Or researching a solution online. Or, in my case, sitting on a hospital bed with my daughter playing Name That Tune to the melodic off-key songs that kind of, sort of sound familiar if only they were sung by Beyonce. I couldn’t change where we were, but I could adjust the stress volume down a notch with a riveting “All The Single Ladies.”
I’ve also come to respect the prospect of hope over what’s hurting. Cue my daughter. One of her college friends, Bailey, texted a picture of a “goals board” she made out of framed paint chips (trust me, it’s adorable). Using markers on the glass frame, Bailey sketched out her dreams for the life she’d like to have. A few days after leaving her latest hospital visit, my daughter Gilly decided she would make one, too. I loved it so much I made one.
Forget about goals, our creations were really about hope. Because, in the words of our doctor, that is the one thing we can focus on.
