I’m eating in my car again despite a personal promise not to do this. After a quick run to a drive-through, I’m in the parking lot gobbling down a burger and fries. Three other women in cars are doing the same thing, each munching on a sandwich, numbly staring straight ahead in assembly line fashion. Eat the burger, grab a fry, sip the soda. Repeat. I tried to make eye contact with one of my neighbors, but she wouldn’t budge. That would have thrown off the whole system.
This reminds me of a friend who observed that, in the mathematical equation of life, women are often much better at addition than reduction. Squeeze in another commitment. Over extend. Coordinate one more activity. Eat the burger, grab a fry, sip the soda.
I wonder what management guru Stephen Covey would think of this. His bestselling book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, doesn’t include a frenetic fast-food feast. Rather, he advocates planning ahead to maximize time, using stones as a metaphor for gaining control of your life. So, big rocks are those pesky obstacles that prevent you from realizing personal fulfillment—a philosophy that has spawned a popular line of day planners and training seminars on how to use the day planner.
There’s a concept. Okay, turn to the correct date on your planner. Does everyone have that? Now, mark in an hour and a half to work on achieving your accomplishments and getting rid of your big rocks. Are those boulders blocking your weekly compass?
Well, no, Stephen, the mustard from my burger dripped onto my planner. My child who woke up at 3am with a fever threw off the daily chart. While Covey has inspired millions to streamline their lives, I suspect he seldom sat in a car line, returning calls on his cell phone while leaning in the back seat to give the baby her pacifier that just fell to the floor. I doubt Covey had to create a child’s costume by the next day, only to discover a last minute wardrobe change. Nah, those are probably small potatoes, er, pebbles to Covey.
However, many of us know how easily these situations escalate into major disruptions, so, by lunch time, well, there’s nothing to do but eat. And quickly. Since acknowledgement is the logical first step toward a problem’s resolution, I’d like to offer my revision of Covey’s admonitions. I call them The Seven Habits of Hurrying.
Habit #1. Help your child with her homework, making a geographically correct map of Florida out of flour and macaroni that requires 24hours to dry. Do this in one hour, creating a Salvador Dali-esque peninsula.
Habit #2. Prepare a meal in the slow-cooker crock pot and forget to turn it on.
Habit #3. Misplace your car keys and fall into a complete panic by accusing everyone including the dog. Digress into an articulate plight of the overworked woman to anyone who will listen. (The dog will) Then, realize you’re holding the keys.
Habit #4. Forget to rinse the shampoo out of your hair, achieving the popular greasy, flat-hair look.
Habit #5. Paint over wallpaper and skip that messy paper-removal step. The next homeowners will love you for this.
Habit #6. Double book your calendar so you can try to be in two places at once, each at opposite ends of the county.
Habit #7. Write a check for the school field trip while waiting at a stoplight.
If you fall prey to any of these habits, call me. I’m offering a seminar—just as soon as I dig my way out of these ketchup-covered rocks.
